The Struggle of Love and Fear

I’ve been grappling a lot lately about what is the purpose of BuddhaInspired. So much in fact, that I completely got myself tangled up into a tightly knit ball of stress for the better part of the last 2 months. How ironic – one of the goals in creating this work is to provide tools for stress release that will lead to healthy, blissful living, and yet I wasn’t even using the tools I know.   Instead, I knowingly allowed the stress to continue to rule my world, leaving me feeling exhausted, frustrated and confused.

So what did I do and what was the learning?

lovefear

Feel it. Well, I wallowed in this struggle for a while, meanwhile creating all sorts of excuses in the beginning. I’m jetlagged, maybe I’m ill, it’s the weather. Seriously?? Over a month after returning from a trip to SE Asia, I’m quite sure the jet lag has dissipated.  So I finally just took a few moments and really thought about it. I have finally told hundreds of family members and friends that I am moving forward with this project – and my paralysis was fear. What if I don’t keep it up? What if the content is awful? What if…?? Oh, the list goes on and on. I also realized the reason I started the website in the first place had somehow drifted into the background. So I reminded myself to choose love over fear – those are always the 2 options.

Enjoy the ride. Despite being adventurous and the enjoying the thrill of new experiences, I usually prefer these scenarios when I’ve carefully selected them, as opposed to suddenly realizing I’m on the open seas bobbing up and down. What has really helped me when I feel extra out of control is to appreciate how yin-yang needs to exist to create a balance – what goes up must go down. The very essence of nature shows this clearly – through the ebb and flow of the tides or our heart rate, which completes a cycle of contraction and relaxation to create each beat.   A zig zag is so much more interesting than a straight line! And that’s the way it’s gonna happen anyway, so roll with it…

That’s what friends are for. You go, Dionne Warwick! Talk it out with a friend. Once I started expressing my thoughts to people, first of all, it made me laugh!! I completely appreciated how ridiculous much of my rationale was and yet all around me, I had amazing support that listened, acknowledged and often provided great pearls of wisdom. One of the keys to the success in digging myself out of the fear, was already having established a tight network of like-minded individuals. Some of the most key resources for me at this point were fellow LYLers (Live Your Legend). We have monthly meetings and I asked this team to be my accountability backstop.   For the last 4 weeks, I have produced content because I made a statement that this was my goal. One week, I was a day late in the delivery and that was okay – I didn’t beat myself up. I simply adjusted my schedule and completed the work in a timely fashion that worked for me.

I’m still working through the struggle of love and fear.   With a more balanced meditation practice and a fresh outlook filled with love, shedding worries of judgment and failure, I am once again feeling congruent with my mind, body and spirit. I am feeling my voice in the words on this page, I am thrilled to share me with you – all the imperfect bits. And I am smiling because it is so much more pleasant to go through life with appreciation than expectation. With wonder and curiosity, I approach today and tomorrow and I thank you for joining me on the ride!

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”  – Anais Nin

~ Health, Happiness and Prosperity ~

3 comments

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  2. BuddhaInspired says:

    Thank you, Tracy – what a great perspective to have and such tangible examples of the way we can feed off what may appear to be a challenge – knowing there’s a goal worth attaining!

  3. Tracy says:

    “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Loving this quote! These days I’ve interpreted fear as a good thing. It suggests to me that if I keep going down on this path, something good and transformational will happen. It’s just like after the pain of giving birth to a baby, there is joy and happiness from a baby’s laughter. It’s also like after an intensive workout that makes you feel like dying, you feel refreshed and recharged. ;)

    Keep up the good work!

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